There’s no one chasing me…
it’s just my shadow
Month: August 2005
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Latest Updates from TizzyAlexanderFor Women Only: Trinity
This chapter highlights the driving need of men to provide for their families. Feldhahn writes, “For most men, the drive to provide is so deeply rooted that almost nothing can relieve their feeling of duty.”
In a survey, she asks, “Suppose your wife/significant other earned enough to support your family’s lifestyle. Would you still feel a compulsion to provide for your family?” 76% answered YES. To the question, “Under what circumstances do you think about your responsibility to provide for your family?”, 50% answered, “It’s something I’m conscious of most of the time.”
Latest Updates from TizzyAlexander
For Women Only Part Deux
(2) A man always feels like an imposter
Feldhahn writes, “Despite their ‘in control’ exterior, men often feel like imposters and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.”
I can find no better way of summarizing this chapter but by directly quoting a chunk of Feldhahn’s text (sorry copyrighters, hope this is OK).
At the risk of admitting that I am a closet Trekkie (hey, everyone has their weakness), let me take you to an old episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The confident captain, Jean-Luc Picard, and his friend Dr. Beverly Crusher are (of course) stuck on a dangerous and unfamiliar planet. And their predicament has an interesting twist: Because of some unwanted alien meddling, the two can hear each other’s thoughts.
As the captain leads them towards help, he scans the unfamiliar horizon, motions in a particular direction, and says, with his usual commanding certainty, “This way.”
Since she can hear what he is actually thinking, the doctor stares at him and says, “You don’t really know, do you? You’re acting like you know exactly which way to go, but you’re only guessing!” Then, with growing amazement, she asks, “Do you do this all the time?”
He gives her a look, then answers. “There are times when it is necessary for a captain to give the appearance of confidence.”
I really liked the respect chapter, but I think I like this one even better. Why? Because I finally clued in that what I had been suspecting all along, that men don’t actually know what they are doing, is not a character flaw but actually normal behaviour.
You see women do this all the time (myself included). We spot a man who has a chink in his armour, and we leap on it. “Ta da!” we exclaim. “You PRETENDED to know how to do it, but you really don’t! We exposed you!” And we go away feeling that we have exposed a hypocrite and have bettered society as a whole. Instead, we’ve torn up some poor guy’s self esteem. Sometimes we do it just for fun, such as when we laugh and laugh when a guy claims to know how to ski and then wipes out on the slopes. Joke for us, perhaps, but murder for him.
The solution? AFFIRMATION. Married women, if you don’t give affirmation and build up his confidence at home, he will seek it elsewhere. Single women, if you don’t give affirmation to that guy you sorta kinda like, he won’t come near you with a 10 foot pole.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
I’ll be posting some posts from an online friend, TizzyAlexander. She did a great 3 part series. …and well, it explains a lot, but I still need to work on not being such a workaholic.
and it’s technically for “ladies only” so read with discretion 
Latest Updates from TizzyAlexander
For Women Only (…About Men)
So I recently decided to do some research on the “other” species, and picked up the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. The subtitle of the book reads: “What you need to know about the inner lives of men.”
As far as I can judge by postings such as the one by ToyShrimp, and by reviews online, this book really hits the nail on the head, and accurately describes the other species. The writer did a lot of research and conducted surveys and apparently discovered things about men that women in all the millenia since Eve have never been able to figure out. We live and learn.
The irony of this is, of course, that there is a corresponding book out there called “Everything Men Know About Women” by Alan Francis. The only difference is that when you open the book (spoiler ahead!), the book is blank. (Get it?)
For posterity, I thought I’d post a summary of what I’ve learned.
(1) Men Need Respect
Feldhahn writes, “Men would rather feel alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected.” A similar statement, “If a man feels disrespected, he is going to feel unloved.”
How does the stubborn species respect the other species?
a) Respect his judgment (don’t always question or second guess)
b) Respect his abilities (don’t assume he can’t do it)
c) Respect in communication (don’t always tease him, be aware how what you say affects the way he feels)
d) Respect in public (don’t tease or put him down in public, or behind his back)
e) Respect in assumptions (don’t assume he needs to be reminded, that he’s choosing not to do something that you asked him to, that everything is HIS fault…it could be ours!)
Feldhahn writes the book primarily for married women, but I see immediate application for single women, as putting down single men appears to be a national pastime for us. Things we can stop saying right now:
1) “Anything you can do, I can do better”
2) “OMG, that is SOOOO like a guy”
3) “Why don’t you stop for directions?”
4) “Are you sure you can do that?” or “Do you know how to do that?”
5) Any type of teasing in public or behind their back
6) “Men at my church are so immature, etc.”
…to be continuedI’ve been trying to get to bed earlier… no luck. but God is good, so life is good, no matter how bad it gets.
I can’t help but think about Johnathan everyday, a paradigm of sadness and joy. Sad for those of us left behind, esp. the ones closest to him, but joy b/c he’s where we all want to be – “home”.
Johnathan is home…
I’m in the process of dusting off the talents I’d buried… it’s never too late, though the reality of life is that there are also consequences to our actions or the lack of. But God is amazingly gracious… He restores and He still wants to use jaebum… and everyone and anyone who is willing to answer His call.
Listen carefully, cause He likes to whisper
the more broken and pathetic I am, the more He receives glory for what He has done. So, Lord, break me and strip me of any dignity or pride or anything I can claim my own. Be glorified and blessed be your Name. You know what’s best and that’s just fine with me
God is good.
http://www.komotv.com/stories/38329.htm
He’s with the Lord now and more complete and alive than he could ever have been on earth. It is always the ones who stay behind who suffer most and the closer you were to a great person, the more you hurt. Please keep Johnathan’s family in your prayers, that the Lord’s comfort would saturate every aspect of their being.
God is good.
The Lord used him to change my perspectives on what it means to truly live life to the fullest; don’t you dare think it’s some sort of cliche. He is just 33 years young. It’s with Johnathan that I shed my first tears at a funeral and with those tears, something was cleansed and released; my life will never be the same.
Johnathan, on the Lord’s return, let’s all hook up somewhere up there, in the air.
God is good.
This BLOWS my mind to pieces!
August 10
The Holy Suffering of the Saint
Let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good . . .
—1 Peter 4:19
Choosing to suffer means that there must be something wrong with you, but choosing God’s will— even if it means you will suffer— is something very different. No normal, healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he simply chooses God’s will, just as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not. And no saint should ever dare to interfere with the lesson of suffering being taught in another saint’s life.
The saint who satisfies the heart of Jesus will make other saints strong and mature for God. But the people used to strengthen us are never those who sympathize with us; in fact, we are hindered by those who give us their sympathy, because sympathy only serves to weaken us. No one better understands a saint than the saint who is as close and as intimate with Jesus as possible. If we accept the sympathy of another saint, our spontaneous feeling is, “God is dealing too harshly with me and making my life too difficult.” That is why Jesus said that self-pity was of the devil (see
Matthew 16:21-23 ). We must be merciful to God’s reputation. It is easy for us to tarnish God’s character because He never argues back; He never tries to defend or vindicate Himself. Beware of thinking that Jesus needed sympathy during His life on earth. He refused the sympathy of people because in His great wisdom He knew that no one on earth understood His purpose (seeMatthew 16:23 ). He accepted only the sympathy of His Father and the angels (seeLuke 15:10 ).
Look at God’s incredible waste of His saints, according to the world’s judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. And then we say, “God intends for me to be here because I am so useful to Him.” Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and WE ARE TOTALLY INCAPABLE OF JUDGING WHERE THAT MAY BE.
August 4
The Brave Friendship of God
He took the twelve aside . . .
—Luke 18:31
Oh, the bravery of God in trusting us! Do you say, “But He has been unwise to choose me, because there is nothing good in me and I have no value”? That is exactly why He chose you. As long as you think that you are of value to Him He cannot choose you, because you have purposes of your own to serve. But if you will allow Him to take you to the end of your own self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him “to Jerusalem” (
Luke 18:31 ). And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you.
We tend to say that because a person has natural ability, he will make a good Christian. It is not a matter of our equipment, but a matter of our poverty; not of what we bring with us, but of what God puts into us; not a matter of natural virtues, of strength of character, of knowledge, or of experience— all of that is of no avail in this concern. The only thing of value is being taken into the compelling purpose of God and being made His friends (see
1 Corinthians 1:26-31 ). God’s friendship is with people who know their poverty. He can accomplish nothing with the person who thinks that he is of use to God. As Christians we are not here for our own purpose at all— we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same. We do not know what God’s compelling purpose is, but whatever happens, we must maintain our relationship with Him. We must never allow anything to damage our relationship with God, but if something does damage it, we must take the time to make it right again. The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to give our attention to, and it is the one thing that is continually under attack.
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