A ball and chain still drags behind me; it's called consequences. In small print, it reads, "Property of Jae Yu". my choices incur consequences naturally, but I designed and forged this "ball and chain". I hold the key that would release it, but I've hidden it somewhere and can't seem to find it.

I need Jesus to release it, but I'm too stubborn to ask for help... I mean, really ask for help... grace means God forgives and accepts me exactly as I am, but I have a hard time receiving this... because some time ago, I was taught that my mistakes must ALWAYS have consequences... and I must never forget what I have done. Scary...

Jesus waits for me to let go, because He's gentle like that and won't force me... but my heart is clenching harder... Why is that?

I won't allow myself to go deeper into the secret place of God's heart, because I pass judgment on myself. I deem myself unworthy and too stained, rejecting His open arms of love; in some way, this is more prideful than blatant arrogance... I'm turning from His countenance to save face; Christ made all things whole and restored me to righteousness, but my body language says "this is too much". My head acknowledges this truth, but my heart has yet to embrace it.

As a consequence, I won't let myself have what I truly desire... "I don't deserve it" echoes in my heart.
I want good things and God being the best "good thing" there is... but I deprive myself of Him, too...

This must be the source of my cycling through passion to plateau to burn out to living fearful of passion... muddling in self-pity and pan-handling for spiritual crumbs. All the while, Jesus is standing behind me with a feast and gesturing to doors leading to glory... His glory.

This unforgiveness of self... this lack of loving oneself... I don't know where it came from; I have good parents after all... but it's the road block I haven't gotten around in my journey.

Refiner's fire...
Extravagant love...
Jesus.



Also, please pray for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family. Maria, their youngest daughter of 5 years, was killed yesterday, accidentally struck by a car driven by her teenage brother. Maria is 1 of 3 children adopted from China; the Chapman family are huge advocates of international adoptions.

Full article: http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080521/TUNEIN/80521174/1005/ENTERTAINMENT

There was just so much that went through my mind about Mogie... he's been with me almost everyday since he was a pup and the thought of never seeing him again saddened me deeply.  The amount of bonding that occurred as I taught him tricks and right and wrong must've been just a tiny bit of insight into what it's like to raise a child.  I can only imagine what that bond is going to be like... and it's something I'm looking forward to.

I thought about Christ leaving the 99 to find the 1 lost sheep as I wandered around the neighborhood, posting signs and calling out to Mogie... not that I'm Christ - just a wannabe who seeks to be "like" Him. 

A friend of mine helped with making the first flyer... but as I was making a 2nd flyer with more pictures, the screen blurred as my eyes filled with tears.  That was a big shock.. I didn't realize how much Mogie meant to me til then...and only increased my desire to take better care of him once he was found.

There are a lot of us [especially guys], who only know to think of ourselves, and I am one of them...and having Mogie has taught me to do otherwise, making another life a higher priority than myself.  I grew from this experience of having lost Mogie...and I felt something change in me; I felt a physical sensation as I realized some things... I am different.  I've grown.

Yea, I know some people out there are not dog lovers and think that I'm overreacting to a "dog"...  but please, don't ever say "it's just a dog" to me because Mogie is not just a dog.

God entrusted His creation to Adam...including all the animals.  :)

Mogie is a life that God entrusted to me, to take care of and to teach.  He's my little companion who loves me unconditionally and whines when I don't let him sleep on the bed near my feet.  It's not all peaches and cream, but the good far outweighs the bad.

God, thank you for bringing him home safely.

Thanks to everyone's prayers, Mogie is home and safe. 



I have to admit though, that I lost some sleep over this entire ordeal; I'm sure dog lovers [pet lovers] will relate best when I say, I really really missed Mogie. 

So, here's the story...

I got a call today at around noon, from some guy named John.  He sounded drunk on the phone, which raised some concern...
As it turns out, John lives LITERALLY right across the street from my new house [named the "Renaissance House" and co-owned by John Wu - and that's an entirely new and different entry] in Bellevue.  Mogie wandered outside via a door left open accidentally and managed to follow some monks [dressed in bright orange garb] into my neighbors' house.  Yeah, he just walked right into their house and hung out with them for 2 days..  Mogie is one of those dogs that warms up to anyone and everyone.

My neighbor just so happened to see the flyer that was nailed to the mailbox.

Funny thing...while speaking to John [not John Wu], he actually asked if I'd be willing to sell Mogie to them.  LOL  He said, "I've never seen a dog that was so well trained.  How'd you do it?"
Can you see me beaming with pride???? 

On the other hand, I wish I was that popular.  Maybe I should learn to beg for food or even better, just walk right into someone's home and hang out for a couple of days..

Anyways... it may sound a little silly to some of you who are not big fans of dogs, but for those who are, I know how much it would hurt to lose your canine friend.
So, if any of you loses a dog or cat or squirrel, let me know and I'll join your search party.

I learned a lot of lessons...life lessons to be specific.
I'll add to this post later about that...

Just wanted to let people know that Mogie is safe and I got my birthday wish. 

God is good!