It feels like the weight of the world is on me… but it’s not.  It’s just how I feel.

My mom and I rushed to the Emergency Room last night; my dad fell from a scaffold and got knocked unconscious.  When we arrived, he was still strapped into the gurney [spelling?] and was in a lot of pain.  As I gazed at his helpless figure, still strapped motionless, it caught me by surprise how much his hair had greyed.  It was just a few months ago that his hair was still jet black, so it seems, but he’s getting older.  My dad’s changed in a lot of good ways, too, and it’s a testament to God’s amazing grace.  I jokingly told him, “Dad, now you can just sit around and watch TV all day and get fat.”  My Dad says in Korean, “You brat, I would spend that extra time studying the Bible.”  Wow… that was humbling, but my respect for my Father continues to grow.

My mom is stuck at Sea-Tac right now because her flight was delayed.  I dropped her off this morning; my mom is flying to Florida to take care of my aunt who just had surgery to remove cancerous tumors near her lungs and heart.  My mom doesn’t hide emotions very well; she tries to.  I think she felt a lot of weight on her shoulders, too.  She’s expected to fly to Florida to take care of my aunt and then, there’s her duties to her life long and loving husband who was just injured at work.  I don’t know how she does it… how she lasted all these years with so much laughter and warmth; it’s got to be the “Jesus” in her that lets her overcome. 

Both my parents… they’re proof that God works amazingly and that He loves us deeply, more than we’ll ever know while on Earth.

Being a Christian isn’t always about the blessings and the wonderful experiences we go through in Christ… because sometimes, life just sucks.  Life sucks real hard sometimes.  Just because we’re Believers and have been saved by grace doesn’t mean we’re spared the suffering and turmoil that everyone else on Earth goes through.  I guess I have less patience for people who are always happy happy joy joy, not that I want them to be sad, but it’s so unreal.  Even Christ had moments of hardship and wanted to be left alone to rejuvenate.  In fact, we may be subject to even harsher conditions, if we so choose. 

But if you’re really full of that much joy all the time and it’s a Godly joy, share some with me, brother or sister  and I’ll try reciprocating. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not bitter.  I’m not angry at God or at other people.  I’m not wishing I had a million dollars so I can fix everything or that I could live life as a movie star or any of that.  I’m just experiencing the downside of real life and it sucks.  I know there are seasons and this is just another one.  There will be another. 

“You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Yeah, life is full of uncertainties and some people have completely given over to that “assumption” and live fearfully.  There are such things as absolute truths… but even death or suffering are not absolute… absolutes don’t include the “downsides of life” or that “what goes up must come down” crap.  Yeah, it’s all crap.

Absolute truths that I know…  GOD IS GOOD.  GOD IS LOVE.  HE IS FAITHFUL AND WILL REDEEM US.  HE LOVES ME AND HE LOVES YOU… so I’ll do my best to love you, too. 

I probably owe some people apologies as I’ve been a “lot” on edge and might have treated people badly [but not intentionally].  I usually do a pretty good job of not letting how I feel affect my actions, esp. the way I treat people, but man… I think I’m running low on stamina…  If I owe you an apology, I’ll get to it… and if I don’t, please confront me, but be gentle… I’m fragile right now. 

My Senior Pastor must’ve noticed, cause after church this past Sunday, he said for me to take a day and just spend it with myself.  He said to take a ferry and go on a trip alone, have a time of reflection and ponder… I’m guessing that it’s so I can get fixated in the right direction and charge ahead with a full tank of gas. 

At the rate I’m going, it was bound to happen… funny thing is, I almost always drive my car with my gas light on… filling up at the last possible moment.
I ran out of gas once, but it was because I was going uphill but as soon as my two passengers helped me push it to the top of the hill, I had enough gas left to make it to a gas station.
Thanks Bill and Danny… ha ha ha.

So I need to make some changes.

I don’t know about a ferry trip… but how about a snowboard trip?  Just me, my board, the mountain and of course, Abba.

God is good, ya’ll. 
Don’t forget.

Peace out.

Part of growing up [not necessarily growing old] forces us to make very difficult decisions, having to choose between two very good things… but one is good for you and the other is “best” for you; the difficulty lies in figuring out which is which.  As a believer, I’d like to say that my faith would carry me through but truth be told, I am stifled by the decisions I will face this year.  I don’t have to make those decisions just yet, but I’ll have to soon enough.  God does have a tendency to reveal things at the last minute [not that I'm trying to formulate a prediction]

Where is the fine line of being too much “head” and not enough “heart” or too much heart and not enough head?  I find myself working so much to attain my goals, yet in working so much, I am doing very little of what my heart desires [and is that because these are not God's desires?].  It’s frustrating the purpose of it all.  Maybe it’s just the time to work my ARSE off again [in 2006] before He reveals the finality of this chapter. 

A one-track mind with an affinity for laborious tasks… never ending it seems.

One thing is for sure, I will never be able to implement all the ideas that run through my head… and trying to is what’s killing me.
Why do I have these ideas then?

He’s calling me out, into the public, before men and women who can really hurt me… I mean, really hurt me… but He’s calling me to leave the comfortable oasis and into the desert heat and blistering sun.
A bit fearful, I’m looking forward to His leading… Am I vague enough? 

Ever feel so comfortable that it gets old and you start to feel its very opposite?
I’m just all over the place… [weak smile]

Spreading thin… but,
tomorrow is a brand new day.
The sun rises promptly when it’s supposed to. 

God is good!  God is good!  God is good!

GOOD!

GOOOOOOD!

What kind of God allows for 300 to 400 people to show up for a benefit concert, kinda short notice, and then raise over $8600?!?!  OUR GOD DOES!

Blown away by God’s amazing grace, the gifted musicians who donated their time and the incredible 300-400 people who showed to give so generously… God is GOOD!
Thank you everyone who lifted a prayer for this event and also for attending, in bodily presence or in spirit   It was an incredibly successful event!  Praise God!  AMEN!

God is GOOD!

 

[Look CLOSELY at the REF's chest]

By Skip Bayless

DETROIT — Dear Seahawks fans:

     I’ve been tough on your team the last few weeks. I’ve called your club the Sea Frauds and said they didn’t belong in a Super Bowl. After watching Sunday night’s game, I believe that more than ever.
     But, as I’ve also written, your team was blessed all the way to Detroit. This was the first Super Bowl that found itself with two Cinderella stories. These Steelers, the AFC’s bottom seed, weren’t exactly Terry Bradshaw’s Steelers of the late ’70s.
     But although these Steelers were favored by 4 — and although I picked them 24-14 — I’m not sure they deserved to win this game.

     And after spending a week in Detroit, I thought the city had cleaned up most of its crime.

     The first-quarter offensive pass interference called on Darrell Jackson that turned a touchdown into a field goal was robbery enough. But the fourth-quarter holding call on Sean Locklear made you wonder whether the refs had even less of Aretha’s r-e-s-p-E-c-t for your Seahawks than I do.
     At that point, your guys had overcome enough mistakes to get blown out in most Super Bowls. In fact, this one had nearly gotten out of hand midway through the third quarter, when the Steelers drove to a first-and-10 at your 11-yard line with a 14-3 lead. But on third-and-6 from the 7, Ben Roethlisberger tossed a throw into the flat that cost him the MVP award and nearly caused coach Bill Cowher’s head to explode.
     It was, of course, picked off by backup cornerback Kelly Herndon and returned 76 yards. Matt Hasselbeck’s 16-yard touchdown fling to Jerramy Stevens rather shockingly turned what looked like a 21-3 game into a 14-10 margin. 
     And suddenly your Seahawks were going to Motown.

     Momentum Town.

     The Seahawks forced another Pittsburgh punt, and here they came again. Hasselbeck still makes me nervous because he always looks as if he’s running a frantic two-minute offense. But the biggest surprise of this game was how much time Walter Jones and Co. were giving him to throw. Blitzburg, schmitzburg. Your guys had continually knocked the bullies back on their heels and turned down the volume of a Ford Field crowd that looked and sounded more like a Heinz Field crowd.

     Joey Porter, the loudest Steeler, was having the quietest game. 

     And on first-and-10 at the Steelers’ 19, Hasselbeck had enough time to listen to Smokey Robinson and the Miracles’ “Second that Emotion” before firing another strike to Porter’s favorite pregame target — Stevens. Eighteen-yard completion! First-and-goal at the 2! Seattle about to take a 17-14 lead!
     I could almost hear Mount Rainier erupting.
     But on this night, the Steelers had their own version of your 12th Man. He wore a striped shirt and a whistle. He threw a flag.
And Locklear went down in Seahawks history.

Way down.

     Until the week before the NFC Championship Game, I barely knew who Locklear was. But he made national news by being charged with domestic violence after an incident with his girlfriend outside a Seattle nightclub. He did a couple of nights in jail, but coach Mike Holmgren allowed him to play pending his Feb. 13 hearing.
     Now Locklear will be forever remembered in your fair city for an entirely different reason.

Holding, No. 75!

     On the replay, I couldn’t see Locklear do anything different from what most linemen do on every play. These days, you have to tackle to hold, and Locklear didn’t tackle.

Phantom, killer penalty.

     Your guys wound up in a third-and-18, and Hasselbeck cut loose one of his mystery balls that Ike Taylor intercepted, as he should have in the first quarter. Worse, Hasselbeck was wrongly flagged for a below-the-waist block when he was trying to make the tackle. Hasselbeck was punished 15 more yards.
     At that point, your guys seemed to be hanging their heads as if they had decided the NFL just couldn’t live with them winning its showcase game.
     Moments later, it took another Pittsburgh trick play — a reverse pass by Antwaan Randle El to Hines Ward for a 43-yard touchdown — to basically ice the game on a snowy night. That made it 21-10, and that’s the way it stayed.
     Too bad your Seahawks didn’t have Porter in their postgame locker room. Had he been a Seahawk, he surely would have filled tapes and notebooks telling the media how the refs stole the game.
     Jackson definitely gave Steelers safety Chris Hope a little push. But it didn’t give Jackson enough of an advantage to prompt a penalty. The ref called it only after Hope turned and begged for it.
     That cost your team four points, a little momentum and a little more psychological edge. The Pittsburgh offense isn’t built to come from behind or to win a shootout. A 7-0 Seattle lead would have tightened the Steelers’ throats more than 3-0 would have.
     The holding call on Locklear clearly cost your Seahawks seven more points. Four plus seven equals 11 — Pittsburgh’s margin of victory. And who knows how the Steelers would have responded if they had suddenly found themselves behind early in the fourth quarter?
     No, I haven’t yet mentioned Roethlisberger’s dive for the goal line that was ruled a touchdown late in the first half — and upheld after a replay review. To me, it looked as if the nose of the ball barely crossed the white line while Roethlisberger was airborne. Either way, it was so close that it was inconclusive and didn’t warrant a touchdown reversal.
     Besides, the odds were that Pittsburgh could have scored on fourth-and-inches. Then again, Cowher can be so conservative that he might have opted for the field goal that would have only tied the score 3-3.
     The Jackson play, the Roethlisberger play, the Locklear play — as the Rolling Stones sang in their halftime finale, you couldn’t get no satisfaction, Seahawks fans.
     Your team had only one turnover to Pittsburgh’s two … and your team lost.
     Your team held Roethlisberger to a 9-for-21 night for only 123 yards, with two interceptions … and your team lost.
Your Shaun Alexander surprised me by running for almost 100 yards (95 on 25 carries) … and your team lost.
Your offense had almost 400 yards (396) against that vaunted Steelers defense … and your team lost.
     In the end, it lost because of two bad calls and because Pittsburgh simply made three or four more good plays. The Steelers converted 8 of 15 third downs to your 5 of 17. Too many drops and near-TD catches, too many off-target flings by Hasselbeck at crucial times, too much high-schoolish clock management by the quarterback and coach at the end of the half and game.
     I’m sorry, I still don’t think he’s a top-echelon quarterback. Then again, I’m not convinced Roethlisberger is the next Elway.
     The play he made that salvaged a first-half lead for the Steelers — the scramble left and deep heave from barely behind the line of scrimmage — should have been batted down or even intercepted by your safety Michael Boulware. Instead, Boulware made a poor play on the ball and Ward caught it.
     On Randle El’s trick touchdown pass — Pittsburgh’s best pass of the night — your cornerback Marcus Trufant took a bad angle and ran underneath it.
     So two bad plays by your defensive backs helped Ward — who had dropped two passes, including one that should have been a touchdown — win the MVP award. Oh, well, it was the kind of game that should have been played in Week 9. The Steelers didn’t have one player on offense or defense who was clearly the difference maker.
     Your Seahawks lost this game a little more than Pittsburgh won it.
     Your defense battled its guts out and mostly stuffed Pittsburgh’s run. But one breakdown allowed Willie Parker to escape untouched for a 75-yard TD. You can’t overcome mistakes like that in a game like this.
     But, no, you can’t overcome 11 lost points worth of penalties, either. On this night, you belonged in the Super Bowl as much as Pittsburgh did, for what that’s worth.
On this night, the only frauds wore stripes.

Skip Bayless can be seen Monday through Friday on “Cold Pizza,” ESPN2′s morning show, and at 4 p.m. ET on ESPN’s “1st & 10.” His column appears twice a week on Page 2. You can e-mail Skip here.