As I listened to this song this morning…

walking up the side of  a lush green pasture, speckled with wild flowers swaying slowly in the gentle breeze… butterflies chasing… small birds sitting in a tree, chirping their happy song…
eyes aglow, fixed on the mountain top… with a knowing that my Father is there waiting for me… smiles are uncomfortable, but today, it’s a wonderful feeling to sense the ends of my lips curl up, my cheeks bunched up as part of an ear to ear smile… it’s not a voice that’s calling my name… but something deep within me, in a place where the tangible cannot reach… i’m drawn to Him… because I know where He is waiting…

I dare not look behind me… I’ve already been there… I know what I left behind… but if I were to look, there’d be dark thunderous clouds, the land scorched and black… lifeless and desolate… it’s the valley I just came through…

just as I stepped out of the valley and onto the edges of the green pasture, a warm spring shower washed away all the grime and dried mud that had caked onto my skin and clothes… I am clean and radiant…  my skin feels amazing… parts of my soul that had withered is filling with life… and I am gaining wholeness…

The sky is blue, etched by soft white clouds…  my eyes fixed onto that place… the mountain top. 

I feel His presence because I know where He is… His Spirit is already on me, firmly holding me… He’s waiting on the mountain top… waiting to embrace me, smiling as big as I am…  but there’s no hurry… because this walk up the mountain is part of my joy… anticipating what He has for me… reveling in His love… able to accept His blessings without feeling worthless… just receiving it with a bit of shyness… like a small child… it’s wonderful, this feeling of bashfulness before my Lord… because I love it so much… being in touch with Him again like this….

I don’t carry all those bags on my back anymore, filled with regret, shame, sinfulness, self-pity, endless amounts of mistakes…..heavy stuff… they lay behind me in a pile… at the edge of the mountain…  it’s just me and Him now and I feel like flying… one day maybe… ^___^

The only hint of sadness is that I cannot share this feeling with everyone in the world… most of them won’t understand how beautiful this Jesus is… how wonderful my Savior is… they just won’t understand… for now… the sadness blows away in the wind and I’m filled with His peace and calm…

so I’ll just have to try harder somehow…with a huge smile and a heart that’s living again….  won’t you join me?  ^____^

All I can do is run into your arms of love….
All I can do is run into your arms of love….
All I can do is run into your arms of love….

The world isn’t perfect, but for the 45 minutes of driving to work this morning… everything was as it should be.  I wish I could express better my mountain top experience… but He wants you to experience it for yourself.  He’s waiting ^____^

I don’t know if I’ll ever experience this morning again… not exactly in that same way… but it’s more than I deserve… I am so deeply satisfied…  My Heavenly Father… is amazing… I’m amazed….    

^_______^

It’s 5:09 AM and I’ve been up since 3:12 AM…  I got someone to cover my shift at Starbucks this morning, but nonetheless, I’m still awake… I might as well have gone in to work.  I still have to go to my Army base this morning and then to Washington Mutual in the afternoon… ending the day at church with Praise Team Practice (YES!!!)  I’ve been doing so much lately… literally… people are calling me “CRAZY”… thanks, you know who you are. 

I’m sure I’ll be punished for thinking this, but I thought “Hmmmm… It’s 3 something in the morning… and I can’t fall back asleep.  Maybe reading the Bible will make me sleepy again… since it often does.  EEEEK!!!”
But no, I’m only more awake now then I was before because the message the Lord has for me is clear… 

“If you love me, you will obey what I command.  And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever – the Spirit of Truth…  If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”  (found in John 14)

Those words continue from my readings last night out of 1 Corinthians 2… “We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age… but God has revelaed it to us by His Spirit.  The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.  For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him?  In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God…. the man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spirtually discerned.  The spiritual man makes judgments about all thigns, but he himself is not subject to any man’s judgment: ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?’  But we have the mind of Christ”

Not that I am one of the mature who understands the deep things of God, but it is clear to me that the Lord desires for me to receive more of the Spirit, that I may discern and understand the deeper things of God.  He’s nudging me to go deeper and is presently growing my desire to see Him…
Even as I prayed last night, I noticed a change in my words and the things I requestd before our Mighty King…they were not my own words; a new desire, not my own, drives my prayers… peace and calm washed over me and lifted the burdens that heavy my heart… I am thankful that He is faithful to guard my heart. 

I am so attracted to things that are full of life because it tickles my insides… and I’ve been so caught up with myself for so long that I’ve forgotten to just enjoy the laughter that results… taking myself WAY too seriously…  it’s time to feel comfortable in my own skin again… for I have been set free from my own ball and chain… 
I’m tired of seeking God for His blessings for just me… and it’s prime time to be a blessing to those around me, or at least put forth my best efforts.  I don’t know how to explain it, except to say that it’s a “God thing” but… everything’s gonna be all right…

In light of all the things that have happened the last few weeks, I only feel smaller…  “Yeah, but you’re like 6’2″ and 205 pounds!!” 

I can make choices because that is a freedom the Lord granted all of us, but without His guidance, my choices lead to misery… but accepting His lead, no matter how confusing or undesirable at the moment, always leads to His glory first and the edification of His people.

I struggle daily… to desire what He desires for me… to put aside what is in me and embrace what He has for me… I am sad and joyful at the same time, because my flesh and spirit are at a frenzy, fighting for dominance… I pray that the Spirit will bring His victory quickly… but His will be done.  Please lift a prayer for me… that this round of pruning and refining will leave more of Him and much less of me…

“No eyes has seen,
      No ear has heard,
           No mind has ever conceived
 What God has prepared for those who love
      HIM.”