MY OH MY!  WHERE DO I BEGIN?  Alaska was an incredible trip in retrospect because I learned so much and grew in so many different ways, but ask me to do it again willingly and I would say “HECKA NO!” just because this was absolutely the hardest mission trip I have ever been on.  Nothing personal against Alaska…it was an incredibly beautiful state with great people, but I felt like someone had used me for a chew toy and tossed me aside when they were done.

I’m thankful in so many ways… I’ve grown closer to people… I was blessed by the hearts of God-loving Christians, like Amy who sought the Lord diligently… I saw people step up in leadership, like Grace at KOPC… I saw God’s mighty hand stir our hearts to a higher standard of Christian living…  I saw everyone on this trip grow… I saw that my own heart had so much need of growth, but at the same time, God allowed it to grow more soft…

This past week, I suffered physically… mentally… and spiitually… I’ve been on missions where it was physically demanding or mentally draining along with some spiritual battles, but not ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!  I’ve never been so tired physically and drained mentally.  Every waking moment was filled with spiritual battles in the mind and I lost quite a few battles initially.  I couldn’t focus on the tasks at hand because my mind was so full…it felt as if my chest would explode and my head would pop off.  Somehow though, God brought me through and with Him came victory, not by my strength in anyway of course.  Somehow, God let me win the battles and I am so thankful.  ISN’T OUR GOD JUST TOO AMAZING?

We are not done fighting though…it is just the beginning of our training for the war that is ahead of us.  I look at this mission trip as basic trainng in the Army, where you learn all the basic things about beinga  soldier.  Next comes AIT, Advanced Individual Training, which is where you learn the job you will do for the Army.  This coming year, I think this is where we’ll be, training to do a job for God.  But an Army’s primary purpose is to prepare for war unfortunately and for us, the Army of God, we will face even more spiritual warfare.  I am confident that our LORD and supreme commander will prepare us for battle.  My hope is that we will come together even closer so that we can support one another and watch each other’s backs so the enemy doesn’t sneak up on us.  Pray especially hard for PR and Sara noonah, as they will be primary targets for the enemy…and for me, just because I’m a big target ^___^  ha ha ha ha  I’ll be praying for everyone, too, and let’s be what Gloria challenged us to be – ENCOURAGERS!!!! 

Today was a great day!  I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK!!!!  AND YAWay had a prayer meeting…which was GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!  It’s always so good to share in the fellowship of other brotha’s and sista’s…  Let’s bring more people into our fellowship so we can have a HUGE POSSE of believers at APPLEBEE’s!  WASSUP!  YAWay in the HOUSE! 

Yes Hyemin, I finished proofing your paper.  I just sent it…it’s 1:30 am.  The things I do for YAWay… ha ha ha ha  I love it!

Today was an interesting day… I couldn’t help being smiley all the time…as I am experiencing incredible freedom and joy.  I don’t know what would warrant such a gift from above, but I welcome it with wide open arms. 

You know, it is so easy to lose our joy if we allow the enemy to take it away.  I hope that all of us, when we find ourselves in tune with God, would guard that relationship with a warrior’s fervor.  I once heard a pastor say, the enemy has two mission objectives

The mission objectives of the enemy

1.  Prevent people from becoming a Christian

2. Prevent Christians from becoming effective witnesses

I realize that both my actions and the battle for control over my mind are crucial in preventing the enemy from accomplishing their mission objectives.  Ours is a little different from theirs.

Our mission objectives

1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart…

2. Go into all the world and preach the good news as you LOVE EVERYBODY!!!

Challenge me to keep these things in the forefront of my thinking, PLEASE!!!!  Let’s stand together and support one another as we wage a battle to defeat the evil forces of the Decepticons…I mean, the enemy.  For those who ever watched Transformers…  ha ha ha   What can I say, it’s really really late.

I am so full of joy right this moment.  If you were to see me now, you’d think I was smoking a little somethin’ somethin’ because I look like this     ^_________^      but no…it’s all a natural high…perhaps a supernatural high.  One reason is that I’ve found a new friend to confide in… lifting much weight off my shoulders.  Yeah, it’s funny how life gets better after someone you trust tells you to “loosen up” and relax…it’s not that serious.  Ha ha ha ha…God is mysterious…no doubt.  Sorry Kenny… I’ve been using that smile a long time, too…but I’ll try not to cramp your style.  ^___~   Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Today could have turned out pretty bad…but it didn’t.  I had the opportunity to use what we learned on Tuesday…patience.  Let’s just say that there are a lot of people out there who are good at expanding your capacity to love…

A very precious friend of mine, whom I respect very much, pointed some things out to me today.  Profoundly, the heart of the issue was laid out before me…all I could say was “WOW”.  Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for such honesty, for honesty in the matters of the heart takes much courage to express… and with such honesty and trust, much is accomplished in deepening the character of an individual.  So, I’m saying that I became a better person today because my friend spoke honestly.  It’s not everyday that a friend like this comes into your life, so treasure and protect friendships like this one with much zeal.  Don’t let idle things get in the way of these rare friendships…less you be called a FOOL!!!!

Today ended on a high note, despite my having to work til nearly 11:00 PM.  Gloria and Hyemin stopped by to study at my store…a pleasant surprise.  It’s always good to see YAWay folks!!!  Thanks for stopping by today, you two.  It vastly improved how today finished out.  Share your troubles and your burden is divided and lightened.  Share your joys and it is multiplied and celebrated.  Those aren’t the exact words of a famous phrase, but it’s close enough.  ^________^ 

I don’t know how God does it, but He makes you have a horrible day, but somehow it turns out that you had a good day after all…bad things happen, yet there is a goodness about it. 

I wish more of you could attend our Tuesday Bible studies.  Yeah, Bible studies can drag sometimes, but if you’re hungry for the Word, you get to eat.  I know there are some YAWay who love to eat, including me.    Spiritual battles are fought in the arena of the mind and today was all about that.  I’m very thankful right now since God confimed that the path I’m taking is the right one…as tiring as it is.  Tonight’s Bible Study was about just that, spiritual warfare and PR taught us that much of spiritual warfare is fought in our thoughts, taking every thought captive unto submission to Christ.  Don’t you just love it when God allows such encouraging moments?  I was so sleepy and tired when I arrived at PR’s, but I left energized and encouraged.  God is good…everytime…all the time.

As with all things in this mortal world, there must be a beginning; a time when things are immature or just starting to sprout out of the ground.  I wouldn’t recommend watching a plant grow, but I hope everyone is watching YAWay grow… it’s going to be one amazing tree and there will definitely be some amazing fruit.

ALASKA!  HERE WE COME!!!

Sometimes, you just have to stop asking why people are a certain way and just love them.  I had a customer today who brought in her own cup.  She still had coffee in there, but wanted me to leave a little bit at the bottom.  As it turned out, the coffee was old and so was the cream that was sitting at the bottom, now solidifed.  I don’t know what came over me, but I thought in my mind, “No, it couldn’t be” and took a big ole sniff.  Needless to say, I almost threw up right there…  The lady was a little on the mentally handicapped side, but aware enough to live life on her own.  After my initial reflexes to throw up calmed down, I turned around to show the lady what was in there.  I don’t think she quite realized what was going on…which means there’s a strong possibility that she consumes spoiled food and drinks.  I cleaned her cup for her and gave her fresh coffee, just trying to be nice like anyone else would, but as I watched her walk away, I couldn’t help but think how God must see her.  We see the abnormalities, but God sees a beautiful creation.  We see mentally handicapped and God sees another soul He wants to embrace.  I did not see her as God sees her.  It dawned on me later while I was complaining about how sick I felt…I felt so pathetic and petty.  God works in mysterious ways to humble me…but Lord, did it really have to be spoiled milk? 

How can anyone claim to be righteous before God?  How could anyone, no matter how many good works they do, face God and look Him in the eye?  If not for Christ and all His suffering, our uncleanliness would bring death upon us the very moment of entering God’s holy presence.

God loves that handicapped woman just as much as He loves anyone else, but I’m sure He’s a bit more protective of the weak and defenseless and more wrathful towards those who exploit them.

I remember a sermon about giving…where those gifted with wealth are given much so that they can give much.  The more you have, the more you should give to the Lord and to the poor…  Maybe, the same is true of our emotions and mental strength…in which the stronger supports the weaker…or our time and other giftings… to use to uplift the downcast and encourage the distraught…  The question is not “when” but “where” and “how much”.  I think the Lord has already given us much so that we can give of it and as we give of what we have, He’ll just dump more blessings on us…so that we can give even more away.  I want you guys to challenge me to see people as God sees them and treat them as they should be treated, just like Christ did as he reached and touched the lepers or when he fellowshipped with “sinners” and “religious outcasts”…and I would like to do the same.  Wow…this is a lot of writing I’ve done…sorry. 

Just remember, we are all precious in His sight.

The inner struggles we experience, the battle to keep our thoughts pure and our motives upright… all a spiritual battle that takes place in the arena of our minds.  I realized the “stirring” inside was just that… a conflict of flesh and spirit, both gritting their teeth in heated combat.  Paul teaches us to put off our old self and put on our new one…we learned this at PR’s on Tuesdays… and it is this battle to relinquish the last of the old for the new that keeps me up at night.  Constantly keeping thoughts in check…sure is a weary task… and I’m just too tired right now to complete my thoughts   Sleep is good…..so good.

I tried sleeping…not working too well, so might as well add on to my journal.  I don’t even know who’ll ever read these words, except the only person,MORNINGLORIA, who left comments.  It’s a strange calm that comes over me as I write words…almost as if I’m being healed in the process…a chance to recover from the stones life throws at you. 

I asked PR to pray for me today…I need relief from the remnants of my old self that clings on.  I’m on the verge completely emerging from my shell, but I’m tired and weary…spiritually and physically…but the idea of leaving all that behind compels me to struggle on…  It may seem cruel, but the struggles are what makes us stronger.  As we overcome difficulties, we find that the same obstacle no longer causes us to stumble…because I am stronger…  Am I even making sense?  I’m sooooooooooooooooo tired, but my mind is racing again.  If only I could run this fast in real life… ^____^

As we get older, it seems that time is somehow shortened.  We still have the same 24 hours, yet we have fewer and fewer lazy afternoons staring into the sky in wonderment at all of God’s creations.  Days of innocence gone by…I miss those days… 

Something dawned on me today, reminded of a lesson learned in the past: certain actions and behaviors prevent our true selves from revealing itself because these are mechanism with which we protect our hearts.  We want to be one way, but we choose to be another in order to hide the true nature of our hearts, that is, a heart that has gone through refining…but as the heart becomes purer, it becomes more transparent…and we know this, so we attempt to hide our hearts and take cover behind our masks…behind our machismo…or femininity.

My vagueness is only a challenge to others to figure me out…but is it worth the time and effort to do so?

I end today on a strange note…surreal… don’t understand exactly what is going on in me, but something is happening…something has stirred awake…  Lord, please let it be a good thing.

Well, upon the critique of a certain someone from Alaska, thank you, I’ve attempted to improve the appearance of my page…I don’t think I’m being very successful, so any suggestions would be great.