It is both humbling and uplifting to be an open book…it’s a fine art of when and how to open up… bad timing ends in bad results and relationships are damaged.  In the after effects of Alaska Mission, I am still learning and tying up loose ends… but in my feeble attempt to do things on my own, disobeying God, I had to learn the hard way.  Emotions and feelings are the sands in the desert, ever changing and shifting… and I forgot this important lesson when I momentarily focused on me rather than Christ; emotions and feelings are not dependable and certainly dangerous.  God was whispering in my ear, but I ignored it because I wanted satisfaction on my terms…my voice became louder and louder, diminshing God’s gentle whisper.  

I read my devotional just before talking to a friend of mine tonight.  It was a clear warning to check my motives, whether selfish or Godly.  I didn’t know, but I prayed and then talked to my friend.  As it turned out, my motives were selfish, though not intetional.  Our motives and intentions must checked and checked again, then checked further to make sure that selfishness does not dwell there.  The price of my mistake is at the outskirts of my limits.

I am screaming also…deeply disturbed and groaning in anguish.  I am not standing, but kneeling, face to the ground, humbled and shamed for I have hurt a brother deeply.  Only by God’s grace am I saved.

Most of you reading this probably are wondering what the heck I’m talking about, but for those who know, I am truly sorry.  For those who don’t know, please don’t ask, but pray and intercede on our behalf.  To God be the all the glory.