December 30, 2007
-
Thinking of 2008
It’s been a while since I’ve written here consistently… thanks to My Space, Friendster and most recently, Facebook… but for just plain old fashion blogging, xanga is still the best for me.
I can’t help but smirk, at the thought that I’m just now starting to really grow up… I realized that blooming late is a trend in my life, but this is really ridiculous, but maybe, just maybe, 2008 will find Jae Bum fulfilling more of his potential and living life with courage, no longer just a “nice guy” who gives in too often but a “tough guy” who shows kindness often. One can only hope.
I had a weird thought today… maybe it isn’t so weird for those who’ve thought it, but I just got really tired of being a “nice guy”. You know what they say about “nice guys” and finishing last; I can see how that can be true but I don’t want to be that guy… a finishing last kind of guy. But I can’t deny what I am and how I think, the way I make judgment calls and the logic I use to make decisions. I can improve myself with more knowledge and seeking Wisdom, but will it really change the nature of my “niceness”, the kind that gets kinda pushed over?
It gets tiring… biting your tongue… taking that extra deep breath to sooth a surging retaliation… to overlook a wrong… it’s draining.
This isn’t a rant… it’s not a complaint… it’s just how things are for me…
The flip side of looking out for myself is that I’m easily absorbed in it, losing sight of what I want to be in what I understand as being Godly. I’m always on polar ends, either being “too nice” or “too selfish” and can’t seem to find a balance. But there’s always hope and I’m not moping around. 2008… 8 is the Biblical number for new beginnings and 7 is the Biblical number for the completion of a rough period. Get my drift?
Over the years, some friends have commented that I’m nothing like the first impression I gave them. This makes me chuckle, too. It’s almost a cliche, having grown up in Tacoma, to have the tough/rough exterior but the overly sensitive inside… it only makes sense that sensitive areas need more protection, right?
Anyways… today, I was tired of being a “nice guy” but “tomorrow” will make me just a bit stronger… a bit closer to fulfilling my potential… living up to expectations, not of others, but of my own that God has placed in me.
I have to protect my family and friends and above all, live for the faith I believe to be the single absolute truth – Jesus died for me and you… and you and you… ’cause He really really likes us a lot.
It’s okay to be ambitious.
What am I really writing about??? Sometimes I wonder if I should be embarrassed about the things I write here, having whomever reading my thoughts… Not sure… just thinking in written form.
2007 is a good year…
2008 will be better… and better… and better.
I know it.God is good!
