It is the pounding of the hammer that forges the sword and the fire that makes the metal malleable.  Hammer away.

Pressure makes me THRIVE!  I LOVE IT!

I’ve been trying to write again… and there’s nothing… no emotion, no feeling… just vocabulary.  I can’t accept that.

It occured to me that I actually used to write better years ago… when more emotional… it seems I’m too much head and not enough heart now.  Sad.

my passion – tamed… I don’t get fired up as much anymore…  Am I working too much still?  Save me… from this… and from myself…?  or am I just getting older?  I’d always hoped that my heart would remain childlike… some would argue I’ve just remained immature… cause I still like my “toys” …heh heh heh… and my pranks… mu ha ha ha… and jokes (level of humor up for debate).

Not complaining… more like.. wondering/pondering… sputtering [sigh]

“May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing to you.”  ‘Cause all in all, it’s about You.

J

Talkin’ with a brotha’ tonight… yup, same story and yup, same response… and yup, my heart goes out to him again.

I’m a sucker for wanting to be used to make a difference.  Unfortunately, it’s costly at times… but most often it’s knowingly.  I can’t help it… my coworkers call me the “recruiter with the bleeding heart” and believe me, it’s not a compliment.

[shrug] my heart’s passion…

Fly like an eagle…

There’s a certain eagle, wish I could remember…

The two birds of prey, having mated for life, will fly a mile high into the sky, circling each other on the way up.  At the pinnacle of their climb, the two birds become a single flurry of wings and feathers and begin tumbling towards the earth. 

This is their mating ritual.  

There’s no turning back once they start… and every once in a while, a pair of eagles are found laying on the earth in an embrace.  They were commited to each other for life… and would not part, even in death.

God reminds us of what love is…
even through birds.
Amongst many
God is simply
Amazing…

It’s 3:28 am… i’m still wide awake. 

I went on a cleaning binge just now… there’s always something therapeutic about cleaning and organizing, except on nights like this, I tend to overhaul my entire living space.    I had to force myself to stop so as to get a few hours of sleep before I have to actually be up for work. 

There is definitely a growing dissatisfaction in me that causes these late nights… or maybe I’m just drained and need a vacation.  Ever been so tired or wound up that you can’t relax when given the opportunity? 

A confession… my heart has been full of complaints lately, mainly due to the fact that I’ve neglected my walk with Christ.  I’ve grown more and more dependent on my own two hands and two feet… and tonight, a gentle reminder from the Savior that His yolk is light, but impossible to carry on my own strength.  Some “bended knee and face to the floor” time is much needed… I’m sorry Jesus

I’ve forgotten about the joy that comes with being thankful for little things and even the bad things… in living simply, life’s complexities diminish. 

A long-time friend of mine mentioned that as he continues to grow older, the more he believes that ignorance is truly bliss.  I’d like to agree for the most part, but there’s a proverb of sorts that opposes the thought…

If ignorance is bliss, why are there so many unhappy people?

I’ve started to become one of those unhappy people… allowing my spiritual ignorance to grow.  Ignorance in the worldly sense may seem blissful, but I’m learning for certain that spiritual ignorance leads to unhappy living. 

I think I’m just revving my engine too high in first gear, going nowhere.  Engage the clutch and pop it into 3rd… and then 5th… Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. 

God is good.

What is it about late nights and feeling inspired to write… knowing i’ll feel like a dork when reading it in the morning.

Still, it’s a start…

“I am NOT ASHAMED of the GOSPEL, because it is the POWER of GOD for the SALVATION of EVERYONE who BELIEVES.”  Romans 1:16a

Almost audibly, the Holy Spirit conveyed the conviction with which Paul wrote these words… Paul lived his salvaged life with absolute clarity and direction, convinced of his duty to the world as carrier of the freedom message of Christ’s salvation.  With the chains of sin and death loosened, he willingly enslaved himself to Christ, forsaking all things to find those who would believe…

It’s a treasure hunt of a task finding such passionate people to learn from… Rarer still to find those who pen such deliberate words.

Lord, I’m amazed by You this AM.
You are so good.
AMAZING!

Do you know what it’s like to reach your absolute limit?  I don’t, but I THOUGHT I had come close to reaching it these past few days and it wasn’t pretty… only, I discovered that God had stretched me… and it’s not like a balloon in which you get thinner and thinner and then “pop”   you just stretch… don’t ask me to explain.  That’s just how it is

I’ve acted like a spoiled brat…  basically the 3 year old flopping down in the isle where the cookies are kept cause his mama wouldn’t let him get the Chips aHoy!  [Ever notice that cookies and candy are kept at the eye level of children?] I wonder what expression holds the face of God when He sees his spoiled child act this way  

He must be eyeing my ear, cause He wants to grab it and pick me up by it… or He’s patiently standing by, arms crossed with His weight shifted to one leg, tapping His feet and making that clicking sound on the tiles, as He waits for me to wear myself out and feel foolish afterwards. 

I’m feeling foolish.

it’s like digging a hole on the beach and waves keep filling it up.

you’d think I’d learn…

I did.